JUST ONE OF THOSE DAY'S

It's been a while since i've written an entry. But I feel the need to vent tonite. It's just been one of those day's. I told myself that I wouldn't allow myself to get "STRESSED" in 2010, but today the "DEVIL" has really been riding my coat tail. I love my "HUSBAND" to death and he really has an huge impact on every moment in my life. I must hear his voice a few times a day in order for me to have a good or atleast an halfway productive day. The sound of his voice really gives me "ENERGY" to get my day started and to keep it moving. He went all day without calling me and that just put me in a bad place yesterday. But i'm just starting to feel a little better because i'm venting. I'm goin to say my prayer's and ask our heavenly father to stay by my side and keep me focused on the important matter's in life right now. But Leon really is a big part of who I am these day's and who I shall become in the future. But as I say my prayer's I know "GOD" will see me through and the rest of my week will be full of "JOY".....

FRIENDS AND FAMILY

I've really been going through alot of shit within the last year. I've really found out exactly what level to put certain friend's and family on. I have these day's when I just don't want to be here anymore. But that's really not the answer. I want my life to be so different, but what I do know is that I will have to make that happen for myself. There are times when I know folk's just can't do, but I also know that if a person want's to do something to make your day, week, month or even year a little better they will. I have eliminated lot's of folk's out of my life and there's still a few that I need to evaluate. I'm really ready for lot's of changes in "My World". A world that only consist of things that I want. I know that there are alot of folk's out here who love me, but there are also a few that are around just to be around. That's fine because the real alway's stand in the end. I have alway's been one of those people who wanted to do thing's on my own, and as of right now there's not to much I can do for myself. But in due time my day shall come and i'm going to tell lot's of folk's to just get the fuck on... In my new world i'll be well off, happy everyday and in good standing with the folk's who count the most. Today is my husband's birthday and he's not here with me. Birthday's, holiday's and special event's are really important to me. But in life we all make our own decision's and some are good and some are bad. But my husband made his bed and now the both of us must lay in it. It's almost time for him to come home and I will be so much more happier than i've been in the last year. And for all who aren't on my train of success, just won' be in my life at all. I love him and he has finally decided to make alot of changes in his life and me being the wife I am, i'm going to back him 100%. I wish some folk's would do the same for me. But i'll be fine I love life, my husband and most of all I love"GOD"...

TIME FOR CHANGE

At this point in my life it's time for change. When I say change I mean from how i'm living to the company I keep. I've been through alot in a short time. I've been homeless for about 2yrs now. It all comes back to me and the choices I made. I've been addicted to cocaine and have been with lot's of men who really haasn't gave a fuck about me. I have also had many so called friends in my life who really hasn't made a difference in my life. But now all things shall come to an end. I'm about to become the adult I need to be. I love life and and I love the fact that i've found someone to share my life with. I'm alway's excepting suggestons but in the end I doing what it is i'm going to do with my life. I feel asthough i've made so many mistakes and I just want to pick up the pieces and put my life into prospective. I've alway's wanted to be famous and why not start now. Life brings us all kinds of hurdles and we gotta know when to jump. I've seen the light and i'm ready for change. GOD let's go and please allow my light to shine.

JUST WANNA BE LOVED BY DAD

Most of my childhood my dad was in jail. He came home when I was 13yrs old and we never formed the relatinship that father and child should have. I've alway's felt some kind of way about wanting my dad in my life. In my mind i've alway's had a fantasy about being able to have the kind of relatinship that father and daughter have{daddy's lil girl}. He tries sometimes, but I want he and I to have so much more. I love my dad and i've never hated him. Even though he came and went in and out of my life I alway's had much love for him. Even now I try to be with him as much as possible, but things never work out like I want. I want he and I to spend a whole day together, and just talk and laugh and do what girls do with there dad. I'm not bitter towards him, I just want him to really know how much I love him. I think that's why i've alway's been attracted to older men. It felt asthough they filled that void of not having my dad around. I've been in and out of love, at least I thought it was love... But I just want my dad to be my dad and be the man I need him to be for me. But maybe oneday soon i'll get to sit him down and tell him how I really feel. And in the end i'll have my daddy like I want him, with me when I want. Now I have a husband and I want my man and my dad to form a bond. I would really love for the two of them to hang out sometimes, but life is funny sometimes it just might happen. And I know my dad loves me I just want him to show me in the way's I want. And in order for him to know that I gotta tell him. It's gonna come soon and I really can't wait...

FEEL'IN BLUE

U know sometimes I get in these mood's, and I really don't know why? They say the brain send's off signal's to make u feel certain way's. I really wish it stop's. I hate this feel'in. I have all kind's of thing's running through this brain of mine. HELP!!!!!!!! I feel traped and like there's no way out. But as u and I both know i'm a believer and what's meant to be will be, and what's not just won't...

I'm thanking GOD that I woke up to began another day. I love life and not a day goes by that I don't think about my husband. I have problem's sleeping at night but soon that will be over. I feel that "LIFE" is something that we should cherish. I's been times that i've considered ending my life, but I am a strong believer in "GOD" and I do want to go home to him when my tome is up here on earth. I really feel asthough i'm not complete without a man. I know alot of people don't agree with that. But that's just me. It took me a long time to get comfortable with myself and I don't allow anyone to dictate what "I" should do with my life. I grew up without my dad and since i've been grown, I need the comfort of a man. And my life is my life and I love to her my friend's opinon's but most of the time I do as I see fit. So love me or hate me. Life is to short to do anything else...

Loving Heart

The heart, it's an object that makes you have feeling about everything in life. You use it to live, love and to make decision's. I've been around the block a thousand times and back. I've finally found the man that I feel has all of the charcteristic's that I need in my man. We have ran into a red light, but when it turn's green, we shall proceed. And I can't wait for that day. But i've learned that we all make mistakes and we do need to realize what we put ourselves through. And until we do that, or when you do, Life will be so much better......